on shining

(I feel like there are so many layers to this onion I've been chewing on {ew? ok, maybe lets say a cinnamon roll?}; here's my best attempt at talking about one... or a couple)

 

This quote was shared at our Noonday Ambassador Conference in January, and I've been mulling over it ever since:

 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves,

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  

As we are liberated from our own fear,  our presence automatically liberates others.” 

-Marianne Williamson

For the longest time, my struggle was believing that I wasn't adequate. And then when I did believe I was, my security was misplaced in winning the approval of others and being the best at everything.

 

Once I confessed that junk and realized where my security and power comes from, I've found great healing and freedom in Christ. (I've talking about this in previous posts and even spoke on this at our last women's retreat; I'll eventually get that posted, too)

 

Recently, though, one of my struggles has also become worrying about making others feel insecure because of what I can do and what they can't.

Worrying about the comparison, judgement, jealousy of others.

 

But I don't have control over the hearts of my sisters in Christ. That's God's domain. I must pray that they surrender that to Jesus and that my humility and dependence on Jesus is evident in my life.

 

I constantly have to make sure my heart is in the right place. When I use my talents to serve the world and to point that toward Jesus' healing power in my life, that is when I shine. That is when I am bringing glory to God. That is when I give others the permission to shine, too.
 

 

Run your own race, ladies.
Run to win the prize!
Discover what God made you to do and do it brilliantly!
Share it with your friends, your family, your neighbors, your community...
Share it with the world!

 

"But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved."
-Hebrews 10:39

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us..."
 -Hebrews 12:1

 

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize?
Run in such a way as to get the prize."
-1 Corinthians 9:24

 

And next time I'll talk about how I was tempted to shrink back
because I believed the lie that I wasn't good enough at something.
Yes, perfectionism is still my enemy, but I'm fighting back.
I am not destroyed by it.
I am choosing faith, not flesh or fear.

hebrews 6:19-20

Jumpin' back in the saddle with scripture memory this year! Why I neglected this for so long is a sorry excuse, I'm sure, because this is such a vital way to hide God's word in my heart.

Since my word for the year is focus, I'm going to focus my time toward something I'm already studying, Hebrews. So often I get caught up in the excitement of studying multiple things at once. As good as my intentions are, I eventually burn out at some point and neglect any sort of study whatsoever. Focusing on Hebrews in my scripture memory will allow me to retain even more of what my community has been studying over these last months. I will also be reviewing my previous verses so I can recall those to mind again without hesitation.

The vivid imagery of Jesus as an anchor for my soul is something I can't get out of my head lately, so that's where I'll start:

"We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf, having become a high priest forever after the order of Melchizedek."(Hebrews 6:19-20 ESV)

 

focus

I've never chosen a word for the year like many I know. I just got stuck in the thinking about it stage and never go around to the doing it part. This year it was pretty cool how this word kept popping up in my thoughts and prayers.  And, also, ironic that this is that word I believe God put before me: 

focus

Here's the merriam-webster definition of focus:

: a subject that is being discussed or studied : the subject on which people's attention is focused

: a main purpose or interest

: a point at which rays of light, heat, or sound meet or from which they move apart or appear to move apart; especially : the point at which an image is formed by a mirror, a lens, etc.

I tend to be spread every which way most of the time. I can't decide where I should be looking, where I should be spending my time, where I can get the biggest bang for my buck. I need focus.

I'm a BIG day dreamer, and big wisher, hoper, feeler. But that puts me in all sort of places that never seem to end, all muddled up and never "form into something clear" (which is essentially a definition of focus). And then I tend to try to do a bunch of fun things but have no real purpose or goal behind them. Good intentions without good planning ends up with little to show for my efforts.

I also love thinking of it from an artist's persepective. Photographers need to understand focus very well to decide on how to shoot a subject. Parts of a frame are composed very strategically to give the viewer something they can focus their eyes on. 

I can see the world so differently depending on where my gaze is focused.

Not only that, but my main focus needs to be Jesus, as it so often is not.

Focus on Jesus.

Focus on what he's called me to do right now.

Focus on things that matter: relationships, community, passions, health

Because these things are lasting and worth my time.

"Where does my focus need to be right now?"

This is what I'll be asking a lot this year.

Did you pick a word or set goals for 2015?

I'd love to hear them! Share them in a comment below. 

noonday

Dictionary's definition of an ambassador : an authorized representative or messenger

In the past months, God has really started to stir in my heart the desire to be more involved in something outside me, outside tucson, outside the country I live in.

But much of it had to do with last fall when my wonderful friend, who lives across the country from me, sent me a catalog filled with handmade, beautifully designed jewelry and accessories made by people around the world who are rising out of poverty because of it.

And while that was happening, I was currently reading Seven by Jen Hatmaker and grieving over the lack of selflessness in my life and need to be a part of something bigger with God.

That's not to say that I haven't known people and been inspired by their desire to serve those in other countries because of God's calling in their lives long before now. I remember reading Generous Justice by Timothy Keller years ago and knowing conviction but not knowing where to direct it and being so overwhelmed by it all that I didn't do much with that conviction.

Now, this is where that burden and my interested collided.

Noonday Collection got my attention.
Because I love fashion and design.
I'm an artist that loves wearable art.
But the reason I would even be remotely interested in promoting something created by other people (since I am artist promoting my own art) is because Noonday does SO MUCH MORE than make jewelry and accessories.

Noonday provides economic opportunity for people (a lot of them women) in vulnerable places in the world to make a living wage by making beautiful jewelry and accessories. They are being paid 2-4 times what they can make in their local markets which is enabling them to send their children to school, give them access to better living conditions, pay for health care expenses, earn a steady income, and give them pride, joy and self-worth that can result from having steady employment and using their God-given talents.

The staff at Noonday is also committed to training those who need it in business practices and in helping them overcome the challenges they face in their communities. They do this with the artisan groups directly or through a wholesaler, all the while, working with ethical and fair trade standards.

By their ability to pay living wages to their artisans, they are helping to prevent the making of new orphans by providing a sustainable income for individuals living in impoverished situations all over the world to get food, shelter, medical care, and education for their families. They supports several orphan care organizations as well as the option through trunk shows to donate a portion of the proceeds to bring orphans "home" through adoption fundraisers.

I can't brag enough about the impact and heart of Noonday. As I learn more, I become more and more excited that I've decided to become an Ambassador for them.

Becoming an Ambassador means that I get to share what they are doing with the women in my life and also meet and educate more women in the process. I'm doing that by creating a market place for the beautiful creations that these amazing artisans make through trunk shows hosted in women's homes and through my website.

Since I have the knowledge and know-how of jewelry making, I know that handmade items are tedious, slow-going and time consuming. No matter if it's hammering metal, shaping raw materials, weaving, sewing, beading or whatever it may be- it is not a simple process and, often times, hard to make a living doing it.

So much time and energy goes in to the creating of clothing, accessories, jewelry, etc - and because Noonday knows the worth of their work, they are providing a sustainable, living wage to these artisans - where most companies will pay no where near that (which is where that $5 shirt or pair of earrings from H & M, Target, etc comes from).

But because I've learned more about the working conditions those $5 shirts (or even higher priced pieces) are made under (where they often put in a lot of the same effort without much income to show for it themselves) - I've come to realize, I'd would much rather have a fewer amount amazing, slightly more costly accessories made by people who've been empowered to rise out of poverty, than to have 5 things that I bought at a great price costing a much greater price to those who made them. (side note: Noonday does appeal to many different price points, varying on anything from the materials used to the time put in to making them)

Now, I completely understand that for virtually all of us, it is impossible to win all battles against spending our money in places we know have fair trade or ethical working conditions for their employees.

But we can start SOMEWHERE.
If this doesn't sound like anything you'd think to be involved in, that's okay.
I can totally understand and respect that.
But start somewhere else.
For me, Noonday is just one place I chose to start.
It's inspired me to look more into where I'm purchasing from and how I can better educate myself and others in that process.
It's inspired me to continue learning more about the lives of the world's poorest and oppressed, specifically women (if you haven't seen the documentary Half the Sky, I highly recommend it) and stirred my heart to pray for them and how I can be more involved in God's heart for the nations.
I know I am by no means an expert in these areas, but I definitely plan to continue learning more and to share that knowledge.
Not only do I want to represent Noonday in what they are doing to help alleviate poverty, I want to be a messenger of truth and hope in our world.

This doesn't mean that I will stop being my own artist or quit my day job.
I'll still be an artist, still make jewelry, do photography, schedule surgeries, etc, etc.
This isn't changing the things I'm already committed to and invested in -
Just adding to it: Noonday Ambassador

So, if you have any questions about what that means or if you're interested in hosting a trunk show to learn more about what Noonday does and share with you circles of influence, please talk to me (leave me a comment, give me a call/send me a text, fb message, whatever!) and also check out some of the designs of the artisans here!

And stay tuned to find out when my launch party will be, where you can see and try on some of these beautiful pieces in person and hear more stories of how Noonday is impacting the world!

lamentations 3:22-24

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,

"therefore I will hope in him."

employed

I have a job.

I am in shock.

I just found out about it yesterday and today I have it.

What my job is :

My mom is a surgical nurse for a group of doctors in town.

They have an office next to Northwest Hospital that schedules their surgeries at different hospitals (there's much more that goes on there, but that's basically what concerns my position)

I'll be helping to schedule their surgeries at the three different hospitals and the surgery center they work at; talking to insurance companies, hospital staff, patients, doctors, etc.

It's pretty much a normal office hours/environment kind of job--but this is really exactly the kind of job I was hoping to find.

Andrew and I will have basically the same work schedule, which is so great!

How I got it :

My mom's boss called her yesterday about one of the ladies in the office quitting and my mom told her that I was looking for work.

Her boss talked to the office manager and she called me to have me come in for an interview today.

She called me about half an hour after my interview and told me I was hired.

I'm just thrilled.

God is so good!

I cannot say that enough.

galatians 6:14

"As for me, God forbid I should boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of that cross, my interest in the world died long ago, and the world's interest in me is also long dead."

perspective

I had a very well-timed and thoughtful chat with my lovely friend last night after small group. We both feel like we're in a state of limbo. Like we aren't too satisfied with how our lives are currently, but don't quite know what to do next.

Near the end she brought up a great point about how maybe this time in our lives is what's actually a crucial point in it. Maybe it's more important than the times we think we know what we're doing?

And I think there is something to that. If you have a different perspective than the culture we live in, that is.

We've been feeling like failures because of the influence culture has had on our thinking:

"You didn't get xyz degree, you don't have xyz job, you don't have anything figured out, so there must be something wrong with you..."

But then I have to ask, "What has been your definition of success? What do you value in life?"

And it's a hard one to answer... Because I think I get caught up somewhere in between what the world wants for me and what God wants for me far more often than I care to admit.

I so want to be entirely focused on what He values and wants for me and not the other way around!

And so... the limbo parts of my life can be just as important...

Will my life get snatched & consumed by the culture I live in?

Or will I continue valuing what God does and therefore feel purpose & dignity?

I'm definitely shooting for purpose & dignity...

isaiah 41:9-10

"I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God."

best birthday gift ever

In light of the recent events in my life, my insecurities have seemed to multiply like bunnies...

Any sort of stability I had two months ago seemed to come tumbling down in such a short time.

There was death...

There was being fired...

There was loosing confidence in my talents...

There was loosing what I thought was a friend...

There was moving to a new home... (which was voluntary, but nonetheless, change)

There is still not being hired...

There is still more uncertainty to come because that's what life brings...

But I'm getting more clarity.

And... I'm becoming thankful for it all.

I don't know how I can say that other than by the grace of God.

He's teaching me more about relying on Him...

And it's exciting!

I'm reading So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore and all I can say is--

perfect timing, again, Lord!

The truths I'm learning and the freedom I'm beginning to feel are powerful.

note to self

So cheesy but true none-the-less...

For your birthday this year, I'm giving you a whopping pile of growing pains...

I know they're going to be painful,

make you doubt,

make you cry,

make you want to run away,

make you want to give up.

But if you get through them...

it's going to be so worth it.

-God

none of these

"For freedom Christ has set us free, stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." -Galatians 5:1

"Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble... For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things." Psalm 107: 2 & 9

My own choices, circumstances, & problems can never keeps God's grace from me. I cannot undo the past... nor can I undo His grace and forgiveness. I cannot earn it or un-earn it.

And in light of my life now... and always... there will never be anything that will fill the void inside of me except knowing God's love for us- and that He's created us to be so much more than we can truly wrap our brains around.

My worth will never come from my work, my hobbies, vocation, talents, accomplishments, OR from my past mistakes, failures, self-doubt, fears... NONE OF THESE.

My purpose is to love.

My purpose is to live for God and no one else.

Thank you, Lord for your hand in my life.

Without You, I'd be lost forever.